I’m really not a fan that my blog sounds so negative because I really am mostly happy. Maybe after getting a few frustrations out it will help get me on a more positive level. I am always so hesitant to write. I mean who reads this stuff anyways…. This is my blog, my life… my world.
I’ve always had this image or thought of a perfect family. All of us together, happily ever after. I always forget about the stresses. Who has time to stress over kids and time and money and animals and vehicles and life…
A month ago I went to the Doctor for the flu and I had no voice. 3 weeks went by and talking was so hard. The kids were acting out, the house work was falling behind, and all I could do was cry. When you feel so far behind what else can you do but throw in the towel. Not only did I have the flu and no voice but my blood pressure has been really bad. It was like 140/92 (normal is 120/80). I was supposed to go in and get it checked, but who has time for that? I guess its time to buckle down and go in next week.
Tempers have been extremely short. Kaydance is having a hard time calming down again. Using Lavender oil by doTerra has helped a TON! I love it. And now I am all out. I just gets hard when everyone is exhausted. The “I hate you” things from Kaydance really get to me. Its so hurtful. I hadn’t heard it in months then this week happened. Kaydance has been so defiant and I noticed Allyson picking it up too. Lord helps us all if Allyson picks up this crap.
Things with JT have been rough. Since Christmas it seems like the fights are endless. I am really tired of the arguing. Something has changed but I’m not sure what. I’m tried of being the punching bag. I’m tired of the “my way or the highway” bull shit. I’m just tired of it. I keep telling myself it will get better, I just wish it was soon. We can have a really good week or weekend and then it just slaps me in the face. Maybe I am missing something. Maybe I truly am messing up. Who knows… I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water.
I feel like I am failing. I still don’t have a job. JT and I are fighting, a lot. The laundry wont stop. There has to be an end. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.
It sucks to feel so down in the dumps. I mean… I have a great opportunity to stay home with my kids and not have to work. JT is working harder than ever. He has let me get my nails done and spoiled me rotten. I feel like I have been showered with gifts. Maybe it is me. Maybe I have lost myself worth. I don’t feel like I am contributing. I take the kids here and feed them and take stuff there… but what am I truly needed for? In my goals to get out of this funk, I want to take up crocheting. I have no idea how so this should be interesting. I am hoping a hobbies will spark a light inside me. I also want to start selling doTerra Oils. They are made a huge impact on me with the family and I want to share them with the world. So, fingers crossed everything goes up from here.